Eating Humble Pie: A cough-syrup-in-the-gravy scandal? Furor over a switch from soft Wigan pies to a crustier kind from another British town? Just another year in the annual world meat-pie-eating contest in England. (The winner ate an entire pie in 35.86 seconds. Probably much bigger than the ones in this picture.)

Will There Be a Domino's Classic? The pizza chain is changing its recipe for sauce and dough, and will change up its cheeses so that it can keep up with changing American tastes. The new pizzas will be in all stores by Dec. 27.

Face Time: Food Network's top "foodgasm" shots of the year. 'Nuff said.

Bark If You Love Beer: A dog collar that opens beer bottles. C'mere, boy!

Want Wi-Fi With That Big Mac? McDonald's plans to offer free Wi-Fi at 11,000 locations as part of its bid to turn into a place to hang out.

Feels Like a Brown-Bag Day, Kids: In its continuing probe of school cafeterias, USA Today reports that 26,500 of them haven't had their required health inspections. It's never a good sign when "norovirus" replaces tater tots as the side of the day.

Sounds Fishy: If you're someone who takes fish-oil supplements, consider where it comes from ... and how a single company has control over 90 percent of a vital, but little-known fish called the menhaden, according to this New York Times opinion piece.

Drinking and Dying in the Line of Duty: A Chinese police officer drinks himself to death at a government function. What does the Chinese government do? It declares him a martyr who died in the line of duty.

Maybe I've gotten cynical at an advanced age, but I read the New York Times op-ed today advocating frozen salmon over fresh and immediately wondered if the issue might not be more complicated than it was presented. And if an alternative solution might be even simpler. Basically, the writers contend that frozen wild salmon does not have to be shipped by air and is thus ecologically superior even to fish caught or farmed locally. Makes sense, but what about canned salmon? It's also wild, and it can be shipped at escargot speed because it's far less perishable than either fresh or frozen, with no power for the freezer required. Canned salmon is one of the greatest deals in the supermarket, as long as you don't try to force it into dishes where it doesn't belong. You can use it in chowder or salmon cakes or macaroni and cheese or even a very French gratin, with mushrooms and scallions. It's not a star, more a supporting player. But the price is right, and you can recycle the can.

Then again, the best deal of all is smoked salmon someone brings you from Alaska, like this fillet I found deep in a cabinet while looking for a prop for this post. (Smoking is the original preservation method.) For all anyone could tell, it could have been in that shelf-stable package since the Wright Brothers even dreamed up the flying machine that is wreaking so much environmental havoc today. . ..

Here's one for the food ethicists to ponder: When does the act of eating a meal qualify as evil? Does it depend on the presence of suffering? Does it depend on the point in the chain that the suffering occurs? Does it depend on the simple act of taking life? (In which case, please read Samuel Butler's Erewhon.)

Now here's a video that's sure to get people's hackles up. In it, Chinese diners pick at a supper of deep-fried fish.

The catch? It's still alive.

[Warning: Sensitive viewers may wish to skip watching this video.]

1. The FDA has pushed through a ban on raw oysters during warm months, effective in 2011, sparking restaurateurs' and consumers' complaints about a "nanny state." How many deaths does the FDA say bacteria from raw oysters causes each year?
a. 15
b. 50
c. 100
d. 150

2. Which of the following wasn't on the menu when Rachael Ray made a visit to a Cincinnati soup kitchen last weekend?
a. cheesy potato casserole
b. roast beef
c. ham
d. chicken soup

1. Tekka Maki (Tuna)

OK, you know the drill. If you don't get at least six out of these eight, I'll be very disappointed in you, young man/woman.

1. As basic as it gets.

So I'll be making my annual pilgrimage to Cape Cod, Mass., this summer, and though we're definitely going to do our traditional clambake at the beach, come rain, cold or sandflies, a friend who's coming up asked me a stumper.

What are the best places to eat in Cape Cod?

What's the best beach food in the world?

I asked a group of friends this very question recently, and got some seriously Proustian responses. Apparently there's just something about the act of eating on the beach.

Maybe a mouthful of tangy sea air is the world's best seasoning. Or maybe the beach is all about reveling in one sensory pleasure after another. In any case, my research suggests that we file our best beach food stories permanently in the old mental treasure chest, as deeply ingrained in the memory as sand in a dropped ice cream cone. (Check out some of the best of the seaside snarfing stories I collected, after the jump.)

All of which is why I approached a new assignment for our sister site Concierge.com with a bit of trepidation: World's Best Beach Food? Who could possibly put together a list that didn't offend somebody? Who doesn't believe that the beachy fish taco of their treasured memory is the best fish taco ever eaten? Who doesn't have a recollection of one exquisite hot dog, served with a hearty helping of sun-baked beachy happiness? People are evangelistic about their beach food memories! They're scary!

So I'm a little afraid of the backlash. But I invite you to weigh in first, Epi-Log readers: What's your best beach food memory?

My own: A mango bought from a roadside stand in Maui. By the time I peeled and ate it, sitting on a towel under a shady tree, the mango was hot and impossibly juicy. I had to jump right into the water as soon as I finished, just to rinse off the sticky stuff. But I never ate anything that tasted better on the beach, and I don't expect I ever will.

1. What should the new name of the Epi-Log food quiz be? ("Contemporary Comestibles Quiz" has that nice alliteration thing going on, but "comestibles" isn't a great word for SEO.)

_______________

2. What did loudmouthed food personality Gordon Ramsay compare an Australian television interviewer to at the Melbourne Good Food and Wine Show, earning a rebuke from the Australian prime minister?
a. a New Zealander
b. Rachael Ray
c. a pig
d. Adolf Hitler

More food quiz after the jump.

The Movie: The End of the Line
The Thesis: We've eaten all the fish. All gone by 2048.
(Officially: "The World's First Documentary About the Devastating Effect of Overfishing"
In Theaters: World Ocean Day, June 8, 2009
The Book: The End of the Line: How Overfishing Is Changing the World and What We Eat by Charles Clover

See the trailer below. Or visit the official End of the Line website for screening information in your town.